Woman Bails on 40th Birthday Party Planned by Her Friends and Throws a New Party Without Them

A woman turned to the Reddit community for advice following a painful fallout with a friend whose 40th birthday party she had helped plan.

She explained that she and two other girlfriends had grown close with the birthday girl, whom she called Adele, and were hanging out "2+ times per week."

She said they had gotten Adele’s permission to plan a milestone celebration, sharing, “We thought it would be appropriate to plan a birthday party for Adele since it was such a milestone birthday.” The group secured a date for the event, and the poster asked whether she should invite the broader mom group of 10 women who were all connected through their children.

According to the poster, Adele agreed, and she sent a save-the-date message saying, “Details are to come, but if anyone could reserve this date, that would be awesome.” One mom from the group — whom she called Britney — then reached out privately to express excitement but also confusion about the unfamiliar numbers confirming attendance.

The poster wrote, “She was wondering if the three of us were also attending the birthday,” and when they replied yes, Britney said she looked forward to it. As logistics came together, however, childcare complications surfaced, and the group considered making it a moms-only evening, which the poster said “was one of the options I gave at the start of this conversation.”

Plans shifted again when Adele said she needed her husband to attend. “She would feel most comfortable celebrating her 40th with her husband and that it was a requirement that our 3 husbands would be attending as well,” the poster explained. As the women scrambled to arrange childcare, they suggested postponing the party until January.

But that’s when the tone of the planning changed drastically. The poster said they looped Britney into the possible date change, and she even helped suggest January dates. When they shared that update with Adele, she “gets very upset and says ‘I’ve actually only met Britney once or twice.’ ”

The poster added, “She immediately shuts down,” leaving the three planners anxious about how to move forward. They noted that Adele could be intimidating and didn’t like confrontation, so they gave her space before asking about next steps.

A week later, Adele delivered a lengthy message, saying she believed Britney was “more excited to see us than her,” which made the birthday feel like a moms’ night instead of a celebration centered on her. According to the post, Adele said “she doesn’t want Britney to come to her birthday and she will look bad if she uninvited her.”

The only solution Adele felt she had, the poster wrote, was “to bow out and cancel the birthday.” Though the friends were surprised, they accepted her decision and thanked her for being honest.

But the situation took an emotional turn days later. The poster said Adele casually shared that she was having a birthday dinner anyway — on the exact night they had originally planned — but with “a couple of the moms from that group chat” and not the three women who had organized everything.

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The poster expressed how hurt they were, saying they felt Adele failed to take accountability for approving the invite and then reversing course based on who was “worthy enough to attend.” She added that it stung even more that Adele “went ahead and planned a birthday dinner… but without us.”

Unsure how to proceed, the women wondered if confronting Adele would make things worse or if they were “being too sensitive.” One Reddit commenter encouraged them to go out anyway, telling them not to “let Adele hold you back,” and even suggested reframing the night as a moms’ outing instead.

The poster said that idea appealed to them, admitting, “We were considering just going ahead with doing something.” But she still worried that following through might “stir up more drama if now the group is split in half on the same evening.”

"The way you write it, it is unclear to me whether you discussed alternative dates with Britney, then told Adele, or vice versa," another commenter questioned. "If you discussed dates with Britney first, then ran them past Adele, it sounds like Britney’s attendance was more important than Adele. In that case YTA, but I’m not sure…"